Selflessness

Here's a healing progress report! I had another drain taken out on Wednesday, so that leaves me with one. The final one is located under my muscle graph, between the GoreTex and titanium. The draining is slowing, I see Dr T on Wednesday, and she has final say over this drain. The draining is slowing down, and hopefully slows to the point that I can have it removed before the wedding. Oh yeah, did I mention that there is a wedding next Saturday?!?!?!

Scar "story" update: The one that has the lead in my mind is that a dyslexic terrorist tried to cut my heart out, but he was cutting on the wrong side.

I feel really good. I am sleeping better and for longer stretches of time. Part of that is do to the fact that I am not having to get up to pee every hour or so because I have finally flushed out the 20 pounds of water weight (plus a few extra pounds) that I put on while I was in the hospital.

As you know, I am officiating the ceremony for Sarah and Seth next Saturday. While preparing for that, I look at Sharon's and my marriage. We are at 35 years and counting. Upon reflection, I came to the conclusion that the single most important thing, and least in our marriage, is selflessness. Putting Sharon before me, Sharon putting me before her. Does it happen all the time?  Of course not, but it is an action and a choice that we choose everyday.

That being said, a couple of days ago, Sharon and I were being a little short with each other. Mostly me. I am a guy of course, a blunt instrument, with an over sized forehead, and knuckles tattered from scrapping on the ground. I have had single focus of mind, get healthy, get back to work, to heck with everything else. Let's not forget that Sharon has a few items on her plate, the wedding, the passing of her mom, and oh me. The other day, I could not understand why she was being so short, and not wanting me to drive to work. (I have not been cleared to drive yet). She finally looked at me and said, "Do you know how stressed and scared I have been over this?"  In my infinite wisdom I said no, you did not tell me. "Knock Knock, hello McFly??"

It was at that point I realized how selfish I was being. Concerned only with getting back to work. I did not realize my single mindedness, and my decisions to that end (considered reckless to some) were affecting others, especially those that care about me most. Me driving back to work and teaching, while a normal everyday function, is scary for Sharon.  I could not see it, or understand it.  Why? Because I was only thinking of me.  If I put myself in Sharon's shoes, I would be terrified.  The light went on.

My healing will be complete when all of those around me are healed too.

Forgive me for being selfish, forgive me for not putting Sharon and my family first. Lord thank you for setting the example of a selfless life.  Help me to live selflessly.

Eucaristia.