Selflessness

Here's a healing progress report! I had another drain taken out on Wednesday, so that leaves me with one. The final one is located under my muscle graph, between the GoreTex and titanium. The draining is slowing, I see Dr T on Wednesday, and she has final say over this drain. The draining is slowing down, and hopefully slows to the point that I can have it removed before the wedding. Oh yeah, did I mention that there is a wedding next Saturday?!?!?!

Scar "story" update: The one that has the lead in my mind is that a dyslexic terrorist tried to cut my heart out, but he was cutting on the wrong side.

I feel really good. I am sleeping better and for longer stretches of time. Part of that is do to the fact that I am not having to get up to pee every hour or so because I have finally flushed out the 20 pounds of water weight (plus a few extra pounds) that I put on while I was in the hospital.

As you know, I am officiating the ceremony for Sarah and Seth next Saturday. While preparing for that, I look at Sharon's and my marriage. We are at 35 years and counting. Upon reflection, I came to the conclusion that the single most important thing, and least in our marriage, is selflessness. Putting Sharon before me, Sharon putting me before her. Does it happen all the time?  Of course not, but it is an action and a choice that we choose everyday.

That being said, a couple of days ago, Sharon and I were being a little short with each other. Mostly me. I am a guy of course, a blunt instrument, with an over sized forehead, and knuckles tattered from scrapping on the ground. I have had single focus of mind, get healthy, get back to work, to heck with everything else. Let's not forget that Sharon has a few items on her plate, the wedding, the passing of her mom, and oh me. The other day, I could not understand why she was being so short, and not wanting me to drive to work. (I have not been cleared to drive yet). She finally looked at me and said, "Do you know how stressed and scared I have been over this?"  In my infinite wisdom I said no, you did not tell me. "Knock Knock, hello McFly??"

It was at that point I realized how selfish I was being. Concerned only with getting back to work. I did not realize my single mindedness, and my decisions to that end (considered reckless to some) were affecting others, especially those that care about me most. Me driving back to work and teaching, while a normal everyday function, is scary for Sharon.  I could not see it, or understand it.  Why? Because I was only thinking of me.  If I put myself in Sharon's shoes, I would be terrified.  The light went on.

My healing will be complete when all of those around me are healed too.

Forgive me for being selfish, forgive me for not putting Sharon and my family first. Lord thank you for setting the example of a selfless life.  Help me to live selflessly.

Eucaristia.

Scars (Edited by Hannah)

It has been a few days, so I thought that I would bring you all up to speed.

Quick update on the game the other night.  We were playing one of our rivals, and they were ahead at halftime.  I was starting to fade and I told the defensive coordinator that I was leaving no matter what at the end of the third quarter, which I did.  At that point we were down 28 to 7 going into the 4th quarter.  Dial up the biggest comeback in school history.  We tied the score by the end of the 4th quarter, and we ended up winning the game in overtime 38-35. Great win! Showed me just how much I am needed!!

The healing is progressing nicely.  I feel good, and still have only minimal pain or discomfort.  Sleeping is problematic in that I am a side sleeper, not a back sleeper.  With my drains and the location of the incisions I am forced to sleep on my back. Not a lot of fun. In addition to that, my system is flushing itself of all of the water weight that I put on in the hospital (over 20 pounds) so I am constantly getting up to pee during the night.  The combination of these two has made it so that the longest stretch of sleep that I have had since leaving the hospital is about 2 hours.  Not gonna complain, I could be sleeping less.  I did have one drain removed yesterday, now down to the final 2, so that has potentially opened the door for me sleeping on my left side.  I should have another drain removed by then end of this week.

More and more dressings are being removed, and my scaring is starting to be seen.  I did have to contact Men's Health this week and break my contract with them.  No more shirtless modeling for me.

Also as I describe my scars be thinking of a story behind them.  It needs to be a good one, shark attack, tortured for military secrets, something like that.  Send me your suggestions and the best one will win!  Telling someone that I had cancer and had to have 4 ribs removed is too boring.

I have 4 holes in my stomach from the drains.  These look like they could be small caliber bullet holes.  The scar on my chest is shaped like a football (appropriate) and goes from my sternum to my armpit.  I also have a vertical scar that is about 10 inches long that goes straight down my stomach midline.  

On a side note, this morning as I was getting dressed, I did see something that I was not prepared for.  My stomach scar, and the removal of the muscle and skin in that area has forced by belly button to move off center.  I don't mean slightly off center, it is like 2 inches to the right of my midline!!  I always new that I was off center but I have to admit, an off center belly button looks kinda funny.

Cancer causes all sorts of scars.  From the physical kind that I have, to the mental kind that many others suffer from.  The doctors cut into my body, took some ribs, moved some muscle around and I have the scars to show for it.  All the cutting that was done, all the scaring left behind is fine.  The doctors did not take any of my soul.  They did not remove any Craig Cobley.  

My heart goes out to and prayers go up for those that have invisible scars.  They can be the most painful.  They are the ones that some people can not recover from.

The visible scars in the hands and feet of Jesus have taken away my invisible scars.  I pray that others will allow Him to do the same for them.

Eucaristia

Eucaristia.

Learning to be patient.

Hi all, just checking in.  Things are going well, I am trying to take it easy, listen to my Dr's and heal.  

My day's consist of getting up....some reading....a little film break down, nap, lunch, nap, clash of clans, dinner, bed time.

A couple of times during the day, we have the great joy of emptying out my JP Drains.  I had 5 drains after surgery, and I currently have 3.  For those of you that don't know, a JP Drain is a grenade sized plastic bulb that has a tube running into my stomach or chest.  They fill up wonderfully throughout the day, so they need to be drained.  Great coloring from a Rose' to a rich Shiraz.  They just hang from a belt, and as they fill, then tend to hang below my shirt, so that I have my own little grenade belt.

My sister being here has been great, being the nurse that she is, she loves to empty them.  I thank God for her everyday.

One of the things that has never been my strong suit is patience.  Job and I did not have the same mother.  I am the guy that would have told Job to rip of his clothes and die and that is really not an option here, so I am learning to be patient.

Learning patience involves trust.  I was patient and ok with my surgery because I trusted my doctors. I am learning patience now by trusting God.  Trusting that my healing will be complete, trusting that God will comfort my family, trusting is sometimes painful, trusting is learning be to stretched and trusting God is slowly making me a patient person.

I found out today after meeting with the plastic surgeon that I will have another surgery.  It will not be invasive, and will be an out patient procedure.  It will involve the removal of the skin and muscle graft tissue that does not take.  Not scheduled yet, will keep you posted.

Thanks so much for your support.  It is amazing.

Eucaristia

Home, and what I learned.

Hi all!!  Guess who is home?  You guessed it, we blew the popsicle stand today at about 3:30.  The last 36 hours were really hard.  I can not remember the last time I spent 7 hours indoors, let alone 7 days so to say that I was going stir crazy would be an understatement.  I am feeling quite good.  People keep saying that I am remarkable, amazing etc.  Let me go on record right now, and say that I am in no way amazing or remarkable.  I stand firmly on this.  The God that I serve is awesome, and I believe in the power of prayer.  Before the surgery I was asked by people what they could pray for.  I did not ask for healing or some amazing recovery.  It was easy, I asked for one thing.  Pain management and pain relief.  All of the Doctors agreed that the pain would be bad, and my toughest battle.  I can honestly say that the pain has been minimal.  I feel like I have been in a car accident, and that I have sore ribs (oh yeah, I am missing 4).  I did not have a morphine pump as I thought I might after the surgery  I was on an epidural for the first few days, and then percocet.  I did not even take percocet until a couple days ago after a nurse convinced me that it would help me relax and sleep better.  Yes it did.  Lets look at the numbers.  Was told I would be in ICU for 2 days was in there for 20 hours.  Was told I would be in the hospital for up to 2 weeks, was in there for 7 days.  God is good!

Now for what I learned.  

Cancer is ugly:     As you know until 4 years ago the Cobley's had not experienced cancer.  Now, Hannah and I both have the unique position of being both a care giver and survivor of cancer.  Very different experiences.  Hannah has spoken of the "dark side" of cancer.  As a care giver even as close as Sharon or I were to Hannah we didn't totally see the dark side, we couldn't.  We did not have the eyes to see it.  Now having gone through it I have seen it.  It is ugly.  Cancer grinds on you, and it is relentless.  There were two nights that were really bad, but one was very bad.  My nurse Phillip came in at the start of the shift, looked at me and said we were going to have a long night, it was.  2 blood transfusions, 2 units of fluids, breathing treatments because I could not stop wheezing or catch my breath, and to top it all off, soiling my bed and having my nurses having to clean me up.  One can not get much lower than that.  Cancer is ugly, it is relentless, it grinds.

My medical team was AMAZING:     Not going down the political road here, but it is fair to say that our medical system in this country is broken.  That being said, I could not have been blessed with a more caring group of people in my life.  My Doctors and nurses truly cared for me.  Nurse Philip was a rockstar.  When you get to the point of not being able to control your situation,  like for me in this situation, I had to trust my medical team.  I did, and that was a very liberating experience.

Friends and family are essential:     My family, you guys, the entire support system that we are blessed enough to have is beyond words.  I can honestly say that without it, I do not know were we would be.  Either me as a person our the Cobley's as a family.  It is overwhelming, it is humbling, it is a blessing to be a part of.  There are so many that fight this disease that do not have it.  That is why Hannah as started http://www.lighthouseforhope.org/  People need support to fight this.

So where are we now?  On the road to recovey.  The pathology report came back clean so the Doctor's got all the cancer!  

I need to heal.  

I need to wait on God to see how he will use this to further His kingdom.

I need to find a way to give back.

Eucaristia

Day 4 Post Surgery

Friday: Day 4 Post Surgery

Good Morning! Sharon here this time (with Hannah tapping in). I can't believe it's Friday already, the anticipation leading up to surgery was nuts. Trying to get the big things done for the wedding prep, friends and family pitching in and working in 100 degree heat to get the deck done, we are eternally grateful. Girlfriends dropping everything when I said I needed some girlfriend time that is invaluable.

I've updated a bit each morning on facebook but thought I'd sit down and give a few more details here.

The 2 units of blood did a world of good. On Wednesday he was looking a little pale when we left him and we had been told they were probably going to give him some blood on Thursday. His counts dropped so they upped it to Wednesday night. He was much pinker yesterday morning and had more energy.

Some coaches and players came to visit as well as a friend from church and Pastor. He was so tired yesterday afternoon that he slept right through the nurse removing his central line. His chest tube came out today as well as his epidural. All Dr's are very pleased with his progress. We do have a few pictures of what they removed from him - pretty crazy - I won't share them here but if you're interested I can show you. Craig did take a selfie the other day when Dr. T (plastic surgeon) was changing his dressing. He has a nice football shaped wound on his chest. He hasn't had much pain over the last 2 days but that's changed with the removal of the epidural. Now we will have to stay on top of it.

He has had PT twice, first time up with a walker and marching in place then sitting up in the chair for about an hour or so. 2nd time yesterday he actually walked down the hall about 20 feet. He did have to stop and rest about halfway down and halfway back but he didn't have to sit down, just stand and rest a minute. He didn't get dizzy or woozy and his legs felt strong and not wobbly. He walked twice today as well. He has been on clear liquids and added jello yesterday but Dr. F. said he could go to a regular diet starting today, he's not that hungry so will start slow.

His sister Sharon will arrive on Saturday and stay the week, it's always helpful to have nurses in the family, and we have a couple of them. Then I am on our fall break the following week so we are pretty well set for "Team Recovery"

Thank you so much for all your prayers and well wishes! Things are moving right along.