Final Post

This week is the 1 year anniversary of my first cancer surgery, and the removal of my ribs.  In honor of that, I am writing the last (hopefully) update to the blog.

I posted about Hannah’s cancer as a way of escape.  A way to hide from the horrific reality that Sharon and I had a child with cancer.  I needed an outlet, a way to voice what was happening, and “HannimaltheAnimal” gave me that outlet.  I also discovered that it was a great way to let people know what was happening. 

With “Cancer Again, Really?” I was no longer in the position of being a caregiver, and was now on the receiving end.  A very different role. 

So where am I 12 months post chondrosarcoma, and four months post renal cell carcinoma?  I’m good, I feel really good, but I do have daily reminders of what I have gone through. My chest hurts every day, and can be worse if I do too much activity that involves pushing. The amount of weight that I can pick up without torturing myself is about 30 pounds.  I probably could not do a push up if my life depended on it.  All of my shirtless modeling contracts have been revoked. The left side of my stomach looks like I was shot 4 times from my kidney surgery.  I have a zipper scar straight down from my sternum to my pelvic bone.  My football shaped scar has much less pigment in it than the rest of my chest, and it was supposed to never grow hair again.  Well it has, and it is black!!!  I have never grown a black hair in my life, but I have a patch of if now on my chest.  Weird.  I have also lost some of my stability.  Not a lot, but I take more care in walking downstairs, I always use the handrail.  I have to hold the side of the shower wall when rinsing my hair with my eyes closed.  Remember Weebles?  I feel like that.  “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.”  I also don’t think I will ever ride a bike again.  I just don’t feel stable enough.  On a side note, my titanium does not trip off alarms at the airport. All that being said, I am good.  I can deal with all of it because it is better than the alternative!

So now is sit back and reflect upon what I have learned during the last 12 months.  I had amazing medical care.  My doctors and nurses were all very caring, and took incredible care of me.  I know that is not always the case for some, but for me, I was very blessed. 

No one should ever face an illness of magnitude alone.  I cannot even imagine having to go through that.  My/our entire support group, friends, family, framily has been very supportive and patient with me.  I am learning to be patient too.  Slowly.  This has never been my strong suit, but, I am learning.  There are just some things I cannot do anymore, so I need to just stop trying, and I’m getting there. 

So many “bad things” have come our way as a family over the last five years, but more focused in the last 12 months.  Hannah’s cancer started the journey 5 years ago, but in the last 12 months we have had my two cancers and several surgeries.  The passing of Sharon’s Mom, the passing of my mom.  It’s been tough.  But we’ve also had wonderful celebrations, Sarah and Seth’s marriage, and the announcement of a grandchild coming in January!    Life is good.

I have had many accolades said about me in the last year…I am humbled by them.  My strength, my faith, my determination etc...  Here is the reality, and I firmly believe this and I believe every person has this ability…  I cannot control what happens to me…I can control and choose how I react to it. 

I choose to overcome, to perceiver, I choose to be happy and free from fear.  I choose to live each day to the fullest.

Thanks for listening…

I will continue to blog…. I am going to start a new one following my adventures in Daphne, Alabama…..Tentative name, Destination Daphne.

Eucaristia.

Hi there, it has been quite awhile since I have posted, and so much has happened.  This post may be long....

The last time that I posted was in June, just before the Cobley's had the annual trek to Newport Beach.  It was a great time, until mom fell and broke her pelvis in 3 places and her shoulder.  We knew then that she would not be returning to Arizona with us.

The week following July 4th, I pointed the 1994 Camry east for the 1500 mile drive to Daphne Alabama.  Gonna be honest, the drive sucked.  Audio books are a life saver.

Before moving forward, let me give you a little background on the move to Daphne.  Coach King, who I have coached with for the last three years at Hamilton High, played at Daphne High, then University of Alabama, and the Arizona Cardinals.  When he got the head coaching job at Daphne, he asked me and 3 other people to go with him.  We all moved to Daphne.  That tells you a lot about Coach King.  I am the only one that did not move the entire family.  I came alone.  Sharon is 3 years from retirement, and it is too close to walk away from that.  We talked about it a lot,  and she said that she would rather have me happy in Alabama than miserable in Arizona.

So I arrived in Daphne, the second week of July, and hit the ground running.  Coaches convention in Montgomery, Passing tournaments at Auburn and the University of Alabama all in the first 2 weeks. I was exhausted, still am...

The week of our first game, Mom was put into Hospice, so I needed to get home.  Keep in mind, I am a teacher and do not get paid over the summer and hand incurred moving expenses.  I had no money to get home.  Incredibly the Daphne coaching staff rallied and gave me the money to purchase me a plane ticket.  I was so humbled by this that it is hard to even talk about.

I was set to fly out when I got a call from my sister saying that mom would probably pass before I arrived.    I then did one of the hardest things that I have ever done.  I FaceTimed mom.  I asked her if she was tired, and she nodded yes.  I then asked her if she was ready to go see Jesus, and she nodded yes.  I then told her that it was ok, she could go see Jesus she did not need to wait for me to come see her... She passed 2 hours later...  One of the hardest things that I have ever done, but I am so grateful to have done it.

Moving forward..School has started, games have started...This place is truly Friday Night Lights.  We started off 0 and 2.  Not good, lots of eyes and pressure on us the "Arizona Mafia" as we have been dubbed, but in week 3 the ship started to turn..   We played... The way that "Team AZ" is accustomed to seeing our teams play.  We have won 2 straight, and are looking for number 3 this week against Fairhope in the War on the Shore as we battle for the Jubilee Cup.

Eucaristia

Happy Father's Day!

This Sunday is Father's Day, father's day is not anything remotely like Mother's Day, it honestly isn't that big of a deal to dads and I think I can speak for most of us, that's OK with us.

I love being a Dad.  I have three incredible daughters that I would do anything for.

When I was 16, I lost my dad and unfortunately, I was the one who found him.  It sucked, and to this day it still does.  I miss him everyday and over the past 40 years there are so many experiences that I would have loved to have shared with him.  I know that he would have loved Sharon and they would have had such a wonderful time teaming up against me!

The purpose of this post is not to say how much I miss my Dad, but how sorry I am for what my daughters have gone through since September of last year.

Dads are not supposed to break.  Dads are invincible!  Dads can chase monsters away, make bullies cower in the corner, and fix or build anything.  Of course this is not true, but I believed it of my Dad, and for the most part my girls believe it of me.

Jessie, Sarah, and Hannah are all very different, and I have a very different relationship with each of them.  That being said, they all love classic rock, tolerate football, love the beach and know that I would do anything for them.

Since September, they have done more for me than I could ever do for them. They have supported me unconditionally.  Their patience with my weakness has been incredible.   My 2 favorite words are "Hi Dad!"

I'm not gonna lie, the last 9 months have been hard.  I'm good now, I really am, and I am confident in what God has planned for me.  But it certainly hasn't been an easy road and one that I don't care to travel down again.

I am so sorry that they have had to worry about me, be concerned with my pain, be patient with my lack of energy, and in the darker moments be concerned with losing me.

I have sat here writing this post with tears streaming down my face, with a joy in my heart that can not be explained.

Jessie, Sarah, and Hannah, I am proud to be your dad, thanks for your love and support.  Lets go party in Newport, laugh, love and cry they way we do every year, and be thankful for the years that we have to come.

I love you.

Eucaristia

Plans

As of tomorrow, I will have been home from the hospital for 2 weeks. Not a lot happens when one is sitting around home recovering from surgery, lots of thinking and planning - in my head - but in reality mostly a lot of naps.

I feel pretty good! I put on 22 pounds in the hospital, that's right 22 pounds in 4 days, thanks to all of the fluids pumped into me.  I came home looking like I was in my third trimester, over the last week I've lost the 22 pounds plus an additional 5, so that's good. The kidney is working!!

While this surgery was much less radical and invasive than the rib resection, upon reflection I think it has been harder. Losing ribs and having a breast reconstruction has nothing to do with my "system". Kidneys are part of how the body works, and are obviously vascular, so it affected more how I feel, the pain was much less, but how I felt took longer and was more difficult.

Sunday afternoon, I started to have ankle pain, and by Monday morning it had elevated to an 8 out of 10 on the pain scale, the highest level of I had with my ribs was a 6, so this was bad, very bad.  Dr B had me go to the ER to check for a blood clot, no clot, turns out is was gout!! Gout sucks! Turns out the foods that I was eating to help with my anemia can cause a flare up of gout.

On Wednesday I went to the cardiologist as a follow up for my CPR. Funny side note, and the tech was taking my vitals and and reading my chart, he said "holy s**t"  you're lucky to be here. My ticker is good and I was cleared by the cardiologist.

Two big events over the next few weeks, 10 days in Newport with the family, we CANNOT wait. It is one of our favorite places in the world, and we are all so looking forward to sticking our toes in the sand, spending time with family and friends and pretty much doing nothing for 10 days.

I leave for Daphne, Alabama on July 12th and will arrive on the 15th.  I am so excited to get there and begin working with the kids of Daphne High School. Go Trojans!

In response to the cardio tech, and his " you're lucky to be here" comment. I am not lucky to be here at all. I am here for a purpose. God has chosen to refine me through this process. The refining is not complete, it is a process, but I am confident in the fact that God will use me to further His kingdom.

In the same way that I had to get out of God's way through this healing process, I need to get out of God's way while he uses me. My trust is complete, I will be used, I just don't know how yet. However I do know this. It will not be boring. I am looking forward to it.

Eucaristia

"The Event" and I Don't Mean the Surgery

I know that Sharon has updated a few times on Facebook, but I wanted to update here, and I finally feel up to it.

As you know the surgery was scheduled for Tuesday at 2pm with the hope of only removing the tumor from the kidney, not the entire kidney.  Piece of cake, worst case scenario I am home Thursday. Things did not go as planned.

The surgery was a great success - Dr B was able to remove the tumor, and the balance of the kidney that remains is viable and working properly.  He was very excited to tell Sharon how well it had gone.

People react differently to general anesthesia, some get sick, some are happy, some are loopy, I generally come out of it feeling groggy but ok.  Tuesday night, that was not the case I had more nausea than in the past. My JP drain kept filling up, and the site where the drain entered my stomach was leaking.  Not unusual, but needed to be closely monitored. I got to my room about 9pm and was not feeling any better, and not only nauseous but really just not right.  I kept closing my eyes trying to go to my "happy place" and I could not get there.  I convinced Sharon to go home and get some rest that I would be good to go in the morning, so she left about 9:30.

The drain kept filling up and as it turns out I was bleeding into my abdomen. My pain level was getting worse, and my blood counts were getting screwy all the while my pulse kept increasing and my blood pressure kept dropping.  At about midnight, I asked for something for the pain but narcotics were out of the question because of my blood pressure was so low so the only thing they could give me was Tylenol.

Nurse C gave me 2 Tylenol and the moment I took them I felt like I was going to throw up.  I sat up to grab the bucket and then as the nurses later named it, The Event occurred.

12:14am I sit up to vomit.
12:15am I am unresponsive, no pulse.
12:16am CPR is administered, and a Code Blue is called.
12:17am Defibrillator is about to be used.

Here is what happened from there....
Nurse C: inches from my face calling "Craig?  Craig!!!"
Me upon opening my eyes: "what is going on?"
Nurse C: "how do you feel?"
Me: "pretty good, better than I have felt all night"  Looking past her I see about 20 people in the room.
Me; "What happened?"
Nurse C: "you were unresponsive, no pulse, we started CPR"
Me:  "Really? well I didn't see a bright light so I guess it wasn't my time."
Nervous laughter throughout the room.

From there a myriad of tests were done.

6 blood transfusions later and more tests than I can count here is what we know.  I lost over a liter of blood after surgery.  I had a microscopic bleeder and the drain is based on suction so it kept sucking blood out of me not allowing it to coagulate. The drain was changed from suction mode to gravity mode.  Because I had lost so much blood my heart was working overtime trying to pump the blood volume I had left to my body.  My resting pulse was well over 120 and even had spikes at 160 and 180

A CT scan showed no microscopic bleeder, and an ECHO Cardiogram showed my heart is very healthy.  No cardiac event, basically I passed out from the blood loss.

Since last September, I have had 4 surgeries, 4 ribs removed, skin and muscle graphs, part of my kidney removed, and two types of Cancer. BTW they got all of the cancer from my kidney.

Psalm 23:4-5 tells us:

4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 

In reflection, I have walked through 4 dark valleys in my life.  My dad dying when I was 16.  Hannah being diagnosed with Leukemia almost 5 years ago now, and while the last 9 months has actually been 2 dark valleys in many ways it seems like one long one. 

God says that we walk through the valley, not into it. He also promised to be with me and comfort me. On the other side of that valley is a table that has been prepared for me. I have to get through the valley to get to the table. With each step I get closer to the table.

Eucaristia.

T Minus 72 hours

My surgery will be taking place about 72 hours from now. Again, I am in the same place I was in September, let's just get it done. I have one last day at Hamilton. As I said before I will be missing graduation and teacher checkout day. I'm sorry that I'm missing graduation, but not checkout day!

As I stated in the previous post, I'm tired so I am sleeping a lot - which I love. However, my attitude has been so much better. I have enjoyed this last week with my students. I truly enjoy teaching high school students. They are so much fun and I know that I learn more from them than they ever learn from me.

Today has been a day that I realize how anything that is like a push-up to me is not good. The muscle and skeletal structure that was removed from my chest does not really allow for me to do push-ups, bench press or pull ups. Today the kitchen faucet needed to be replaced and I am a do it yourself-er. I like fixing things around the house except I HATE plumbing and electrical. I am not a potty mouth kind of guy, except when it comes to plumbing and electric work. It never works out right. Plumbing always seems to require standing on my head and having my sausage fingers trying to work in a small space - not to mention that I'm also left handed which makes it twice as hard. A few words escaped my mouth.

So laying under the kitchen sink, I had to remove the old faucet, all the while doing push-up movements. My chest is screaming at me now.

I don't like to complain. I am above ground and they got the cancer out the first time, I'm sure they will be able to again.

Cancer will lose again on Tuesday. This may sound strange, but I am so thankful that my body is producing cancer that does not require further treatment after surgery. Take it out, lets move on.

On another note, I have had something in my life that has been brewing for about 4 months. For those of you that do not know, I started coaching football in 1979. I have always worked jobs that have allowed me to coach. My dad died when I was 16 years old, and I had several high school coaches that "saved me." I hope to have an influence on young men in the same way that my coaches had an influence on me.

For the last 10 years I have coached at a school that has won 5 state championships. That is unheard of. We have had GREAT kids and have been very lucky.

Over the past several years it has become difficult. Coaching has not been as much fun as I would like to to be. So much time, effort and energy is put into it.  Coaching is not about winning state championships. Coaching is about having fun, impacting kids lives, and enjoying who I work with. I have not been in an environment where I have been able to connect with the kids and the game like I would like to. Sometimes a coach just needs a new environment - a fresh start. That opportunity has come along for me.

While this cancer thing has been hanging over my head, I have been dealing with the prospect of hanging up my whistle. It's not what I wanted, but I was prepared to do it.

An opportunity has come along to coach and work in Alabama that I believe will allow me to finish my coaching career on a high note.

It became official 2 days ago. I will be moving to Daphne, Alabama at the end of the summer!

I am married to a saint. Being 3 years from retirement, Sharon will not be going with me. Our first date was after a game that I coached in. We lost, and I did not speak all night. Apparently, she still had a good time. After 36 years of marriage, she says that she would rather have me happy and coaching in Alabama rather than miserable coaching in Arizona.  Bring on the frequent flyer miles!

This renal cell carcinoma is just another hurdle. On Tuesday I will clear that hurdle. I will heal, and  God willing move to Alabama and have an impact on kids lives.

Eucaristia

Scheduled

Hi all... The surgery is scheduled.. May 24th.. Graduation day for the seniors at Hamilton High School, where I teach Marketing.  This is a missed opportunity for me as I will not be able to congratulate those students that I have had the pleasure of getting to know and respect during their high school career.

Dr. B explained the procedure, they will go in with the DaVinci Robot and try to take out only the tumor.  This is a relatively easy procedure and not very invasive.  However the tumor touches the middle of the kidney which is where the mojo happens.  The concern is that if too much of the mojo is taken then the kidney is not longer viable, and we now move from a partial nephrectomy to a full nephrectomy.  In the case of a full nephrectomy the robot is abandoned and they cut me open to remove the kidney.

I am actually leaning toward the full nephrectomy because the recovery time is faster.  I know that sounds strange, however in a partial, the kidney itself has to heal after reconstruction.

As we were a few weeks ago and even a few months ago, the Cobley's are good mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Personally, I am tired, not physically but mentally.  Today was rough, I was short with my students and others.  This is totally outside my character.  I do not say this for sympathy or attention, I say it because it is what it is.

This is what cancer does.  It grinds... We grind back.  The grinding wears on me, and us.  This being said tomorrow is a new day!  I will rest tonight, and will face my students and others with the respect and dignity the deserve.  My cancer will not affect how I treat others.

I think this is the first time I have vented on this blog or on Hannah's blog. I apologize.  I needed it.

God is good.  Sometimes as His follower I need to learn to rely on Him more.

Eucaristia.