This week is the 1 year anniversary of my first cancer
surgery, and the removal of my ribs. In
honor of that, I am writing the last (hopefully) update to the blog.
I posted about Hannah’s cancer as a way of escape. A way to hide from the horrific reality that
Sharon and I had a child with cancer. I
needed an outlet, a way to voice what was happening, and “HannimaltheAnimal”
gave me that outlet. I also discovered
that it was a great way to let people know what was happening.
With “Cancer Again, Really?” I was no longer in the position
of being a caregiver, and was now on the receiving end. A very different role.
So where am I 12 months post chondrosarcoma, and four months
post renal cell carcinoma? I’m good, I
feel really good, but I do have daily reminders of what I have gone through. My
chest hurts every day, and can be worse if I do too much activity that involves
pushing. The amount of weight that I can pick up without torturing myself is
about 30 pounds. I probably could not do
a push up if my life depended on it. All
of my shirtless modeling contracts have been revoked. The left side of my
stomach looks like I was shot 4 times from my kidney surgery. I have a zipper scar straight down from my
sternum to my pelvic bone. My football
shaped scar has much less pigment in it than the rest of my chest, and it was
supposed to never grow hair again. Well
it has, and it is black!!! I have never
grown a black hair in my life, but I have a patch of if now on my chest. Weird.
I have also lost some of my stability.
Not a lot, but I take more care in walking downstairs, I always use the
handrail. I have to hold the side of the
shower wall when rinsing my hair with my eyes closed. Remember Weebles? I feel like that. “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall
down.” I also don’t think I will ever
ride a bike again. I just don’t feel
stable enough. On a side note, my
titanium does not trip off alarms at the airport. All that being said, I am
good. I can deal with all of it because
it is better than the alternative!
So now is sit back and reflect upon what I have learned
during the last 12 months. I had amazing
medical care. My doctors and nurses were
all very caring, and took incredible care of me. I know that is not always the case for some,
but for me, I was very blessed.
No one should ever face an illness of magnitude alone. I cannot even imagine having to go through
that. My/our entire support group,
friends, family, framily has been very supportive and patient with me. I am learning to be patient too. Slowly.
This has never been my strong suit, but, I am learning. There are just some things I cannot do
anymore, so I need to just stop trying, and I’m getting there.
So many “bad things” have come our way as a family over the
last five years, but more focused in the last 12 months. Hannah’s cancer started the journey 5 years
ago, but in the last 12 months we have had my two cancers and several
surgeries. The passing of Sharon’s Mom,
the passing of my mom. It’s been
tough. But we’ve also had wonderful
celebrations, Sarah and Seth’s marriage, and the announcement of a grandchild
coming in January! Life is good.
I have had many accolades said about me in the last year…I
am humbled by them. My strength, my faith,
my determination etc... Here is the
reality, and I firmly believe this and I believe every person has this
ability… I cannot control what happens
to me…I can control and choose how I react to it.
I choose to overcome, to perceiver, I choose to be happy and
free from fear. I choose to live each
day to the fullest.
Thanks for listening…
I will continue to blog…. I am going to start a new one
following my adventures in Daphne, Alabama…..Tentative name, Destination
Daphne.
Eucaristia.
